Monday, August 27, 2007

Heer in Collifonya, we has roolz. One rool iz - no krazy peeples. Do not want! Nother rool iz - no old peeples. Do not want! One more rool -- all rich peeples has yats -- or big-ass boats. Whatevs.

No kidding, guvner schwarzenegger's latest state budget trashes funding for mentally ill homeless individuals, and also flipped off funding to keep seniors safe.

Making good on a promise to trim the state budget, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger eliminated a $55-million program Friday that advocates say has helped thousands of mentally ill homeless people break the costly cycle of hospitalization, jails and street life.

He also struck a $17.4-million plan to protect seniors.

But mercifully, tax cuts for those who own yachts, RVs and/or planes survived the brutal cuts:

...despite the allegedly strapped conditions of the state, legislators managed to preserve a tax break for some purchasers of yachts, planes and recreational vehicles -- a measure that could cost the state as much as $45 million.

"A $45-million tax break for yacht owners stays in the budget," Steinberg said. "And a nationally recognized, incredibly effective program to end homelessness for those living with mental illness gets thrown under the bus."

Read more about Collyfonya's compassionate conservatism here.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Okay, so first the preznint says Iraqi prime minister Nouri al-Maliki is doing a heckuva job -- NOT -- and then Maliki tells the preznint to go f*&k himself, because Iraq's a democracy now and he can't tell them what to do, and then the prez is all like -- "Sorrrrry. You the man."

Meanwhile, back in the reality-based world, we learn that the whole discussion may well be pointless, because "Eye-rak" doesn't even exist anymore.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Thankfully, we no longer have the baby panda threat to fear. Pakistan president Pervez Musharraf appears to have that problem completely under control, to which I can only say, "Phew! It was close, but we dodged that bullet!"

Al Qaeda must be old news, too. After all, the preznint is on a month-long vaykay, and surely he wouldn't leave us to fend for ourselves if terrorists were a danger. Of course, he doesn't seem to care that there are 160,000 American troops sweating their brains out in 120 degree heat in Eye-rak, while he's falling off his mountain bike and posing for pictures at his ranch. Actually, there's not much he does care about, as Washington Post columnist Eugene Robinson points out.

"At least now maybe people will understand what I've been saying for months, which is that Bush doesn't care what anybody else thinks. He doesn't care that the Iraqi government has failed to meet its political benchmarks. He doesn't care that Maliki is getting so cozy with the mullahs in Tehran. He doesn't care that Republicans in Washington are getting so nervous about having to face an election with the war still raging and no end in sight."
"No end in sight." Isn't that just another way of saying "no strategy," "no hope," "no clue" and "no freakin' way this guy should be on vacation while Americans are dying"? Hmmmm...I think it just might be.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Looks like the preznint's expectations for "spreading freedom" in Iraq are being exceeded. Not only did he score big time with record levels of carnage, but there's also this:
Five hundred more people were wounded, many critically. Hundreds of one-story homes and shops were destroyed.
Pretty soon, there won't be any Iraqis left to "free," and then Exxon, Chevron and BP can divvy up the oil rights and we can all go shopping. Can't hardly wait!!

Monday, August 13, 2007

C'mere ya big more for the road, 'kay? Yer gonna have to skedaddle, cuz you never nos, the Dimocrats might could find one of the u-no-wots we buryed. Corse it would prolly be by axident, since they don't seem to be doin too good on any of the 600 or so investikations they got goin awredy. But if they stumble onto sumthin, u be safer wif ur fambly. u haf a fambly, rit? i herd that sumwares... k bai, tx
ps/call me, k?

('Nother great big tip o' the hat to TW for making dreams come true!)

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Breaking: Hell Freezes Over!

Welcome! Please join us in "A Salute to the Bush Twins as They Head for Combat in Baghdad." It's going to be a short tribute, because we're fairly certain there's no way in hell either of those two will put on a uniform -- unless it's Daddy's flight suit or a Halloween costume.

But you never know. War czar Douglas Lute recently let the pootie out of the bag when he announced that reinstating the draft was "worth a look."

''I think it makes sense to certainly consider it,'' Army Lt. Gen. Douglas Lute said in an interview with National Public Radio's ''All Things Considered.''

As the New York Times noted, this was Lute's first interview since his appointment in May. Just guessing, but seems like there's a good chance that it'll be his last, too. In fact, keep an eye out for this headline:

"War Czar Lute to 'Spend More Time with Family'; Accepts Medal of Freedoms."

(big old h/t to TW for connecting the dots and to MT for the graphix)

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Yes, that would probably best, since just the thought of these two writing a CHILDREN'S BOOK is enough to send chills down anyone's spine. But it's true -- First Lady Laura Bush and daughter Jenna have agreed to "write" a picture book about a boy who doesn't like to read. (Hmmmm, wonder where they got that idea?)

Apparently, publishers are having a hard time finding quality authors. Otherwise, how can you explain why these two have been hired? Before marrying internationally renowned sociopath Georgie, Laura's claim to fame was being a Texas debutante who was never charged with a crime, even though her former boyfriend died after she ran a stop a stop sign and their cars collided.

As for daughter Jenna, she first made headlines for being arrested as a minor in possession of alcohol, and later she was caught with fake I.D. More recently, she and twin sister Barbara reportedly were asked to leave Argentina because they were ... well, just being bushies. Not surprisingly, they behaved just like daddy, and refused to leave.

Monday, August 6, 2007

Wow, being the preznit sure looks like fun. Surely the troops won't mind sweating their brains out in the Middle East's 130 degree heat, so the bush can take Afghanistan preznit Karzai for a joy ride in Golf Cart One. (Scroll down, the comments are priceless!)

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Why sure, dick, you can has more war in the Middle East -- now that you've sold $20 BILLION worth of weapons to the Saudis and neighboring countries.

According to Raw Story: "... the current Saudi deal serves two purposes, both of which are a direct result of the US-led war against Iraq and the regional instability it has caused. One is to support the Saudi rulers, while the other is to isolate Iran."

Although this deal made headlines, the U.S. has been quietly selling weapons to nations in the Gulf for years, and making plenty of domestic defense contractors wealthy in the process.

Of course, the bush insists the Saudis are our allies, even though 15 of the 19 people involved in the 9/11 attacks were from Saudi Arabia. Then there are the solid reports of Saudis playing a significant role in the insurgency in Iraq -- the same one that's killing U.S. troops. With allies like this, who needs terrorists?

No doubt you'll be shocked to hear that some people don't think more weapons in a region as volatile as the Middle East is such a great idea. Lawrence Wilkerson, former chief of staff to Secretary of State Colin Powell, summed it up nicely for Raw Story:

“This is quintessentially a diplomacy of fear and desperation and not of wisdom and confidence.”

Thursday, August 2, 2007

iz a insurgen and iz heer to halp

The geniuses at the Department of Death -- oops, I mean, Defense -- have outdone themselves. They've decided the way to end the violence in Iraq is to give weapons to everyone, including the people who've been killing American troops!

From the blog Healing Iraq:

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Former Sunni Insurgents Now "Freedom Fighters"

Former Islamic Army Militants Patrol Amiriya Alongside U.S. Troops:

The "Amiriya Freedom Fighters," who the U.S. military is now funding and arming, are former members of the Islamic Army in Iraq, an Islamic nationalist insurgent group based in Baghdad, Anbar, Babel, Salah Al-Din, and Diyala, thought to be composed largely of former Iraqi army officers.

With support from the U.S. military and local residents, the small group of fighters was successful in driving out Al-Qaeda-led Islamic State of Iraq militants from Amiriya, a predominately Sunni district in southwestern Baghdad.

Dr. Ali Al-Ni'aimi, an official spokesman of the insurgent group, denied working with U.S. troops, but implied that the militants of Amiriya have broke away from the insurgent group, which continues to target U.S. troops in Iraq. It is also possible that the insurgent group - like the tribal fighters of Anbar - has made a clever tactical move to both eliminate Islamic State of Iraq militants from their areas, and to make use of U.S. arms and funds in preparation for future conflicts.

It's now official; the U.S. is arming all parties to the civil war in Iraq.
It's going to be tough topping this one, but the commandpost-in-chief has seventeen months (still!) to come up with something even stupider and more lethal.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Hail, Seizure!

Doctors aren't certain why Chief Justice Roberts had a seizure earlier this week. But right-wing nutjob Michael Savage diagnosed the problem -- it's the Democrats' fault!!

(h/t to TW & MT)

According to the White Haus website:
More than a year after Hurricane Katrina, the Gulf Coast is rebuilding and the Nation is better prepared for future natural disasters.
Technically speaking, yes, it has been more than a year since the levees in New Orleans failed. Actually, it's been almost TWO FREAKIN' YEARS, and here's what the "rebuilding" looks in the 9th ward, as of just a few days ago.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Yup, Alaska Senator Ted Stevens (R) has got him some good connections in the construction industry. In fact, even the FBI is interested the remodeling job on his home in Alaska.

This isn't the first time Ted's been in the news. His notions about the internet have their own wikipedia page:
"Ten movies streaming across that, that Internet, and what happens to your own personal Internet? I just the other day got... an Internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday, I got it yesterday. Why? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the Internet commercially. [...] They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the Internet. And again, the Internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes. And if you don't understand, those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it's going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material."
Above, Senator Stevens and his wife in what you might call happier times. That would be the May, 2007, White Haus dinner honoring the senator's achievements, many of which are best described as "dubious."

all yur troops are belong to me

The bush's meetings with British Prime Minister Gordon Brown weren't quite as warm and cuddly as the old Tony Blair love fests, according to the Washington Post's Dana Milbank.

In fact, Brown announced today that British troops are not likely to stay in Iraq for more than a few months.

Gordon Brown has paved the way for the withdrawal of British troops from Iraq by telling George Bush he would not delay their exit in order to show unity with the United States.

Gee, and just yesterday the bush showered Brown with praise, sort of: "He's a glass-half-full man, not a glass-half-empty guy, you know?"

Of course, that followed a remark in which the preznit managed to insult the entire population of Scotland in a single cliche-laden sentence: "
He's a Scotsman, kind of a -- he's not the dour Scotsman that you described him, or the awkward Scotsman; he's actually the humorous Scotsman...."

He left out the tightwad Scotsman. Maybe he's saving it for their next meet up.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Blinded by the glare of his own ego, the preznit "borrowed" graduate Steven Matthew Volk's sunglasses for this oh-so-candid shot taken when he delivered the commencement address at the U.S. Coast Guard Academy in May.

The address began with a fine example of the prez's rollicking sense of humor:

"The men and women of the Coast Guard know how to navigate the storm. We're counting on you to help America weather the challenges that lie ahead."
"Navigate the storm"... "weather the challenges" ... Wow, that's so dumm he mighta akshully writed it hisself.

i'm in my bunker, f*&k the resta u

And here's #11: "Let terrorists attack the country." How do I know this? Read this WaPo profile.

On the morning of 9/11, the dick was in his bunker, surrounded by various staffers, watching CNN. When the second plane hit, everyone in the room reacted with a loud groan -- except him. The entire rest of the world was stunned by what had just happened, but not the dick. No surprise, shock or awe. Cheney displayed no horror, dismay or compassion for fellow citizens who had just lost their lives. The dick was cool as a cucumber.

Three people who were present, not all of them admirers, said they saw no sign then or later of the profound psychological transformation that has often been imputed to Cheney. What they saw, they said, was While others assessed casualties and the work of "first responders," extraordinary self-containment and a rapid shift of focus to the machinery of power. Cheney began planning for a conflict that would call upon lawyers as often as soldiers and spies.
Before the day was over, the dick and his team of legal beagles were plotting an unprecedented power grab.

Down in the bunker, according to a colleague with firsthand knowledge, Cheney and Addington began contemplating the founding question of the legal revolution to come: What extraordinary powers will the president need for his response?

So the bodies weren't cold yet and the dick, who hadn't even shed a tear for those who died that day, was only interested in one thing -- power. And that is clearly the reaction of someone who knew what was going to happen and used it as an excuse to take power.
ain't it interestin' that it took an expose in the Washington Post to shame the preznit into doing something about the disgraceful conditions at Walter Reed? Maybe if he actually paid attention to those troops he says he's supporting, he would have known the conditions were atrocious. It's not like Walter Reed is way far away from the White Castle. In fact, the two are only five miles apart, about the same distance the preznit jogs every day. On his real legs.